Well I don't know why I have really started this, but one thing is for certain, I want to get my thoughts out. I don't know exactly what all is going through my head at the moment. But one thing is for certain, God is trying to bust through. He is trying to gain the upper hand in the battle of my mind, the 17 years that I spent in this world, whil I was at enemity with God, but the only thing hindering that right now is myself. It all rests on me. God is right there waiting for me to give up. To quit fighting against Him. To let go of myself. How much of God do I really want in my life? How much of myself am I willing to get up?
Last night I was in another room and just talking to some guys about things that were going on. Not much was really said except that there aren't any words to describe what is going on in our heads. It is really overwhelming to take it all in at first. But it was good just to talk. I am no superhuman Christian nor have I ever claim to be. I am no more special than anyone else that is placed on this earth. It was by grace that God allowed me to enter into His prescence, and I do not understand why I don't do that more often, Why do I not strive for God continually with all my being, as if nothing else matters. But the question that has been eating at my flesh, eating at my mind, as a continual battle raging within me is: Do I really know God?
I don't want to ramble on these things all night, but it is just something that I want to do, with every bit of my innermost being, I want to know God. But can I...will I see that my goal is accomplished? Or will I compromise my spiritual health for my worldly satisfaction?
"...yet interest in theology, and knowledge about God, and the capacity to think clearly and talk well on Christian themes, is not at all the same thing as knowing Him." - J.I. Packer
"In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame; in your righteousness deliver me! Incline your ear to me; rescue me speedily! Be a rock of refuge for me, a strong fortress to save me!" -Psalm 31
No comments:
Post a Comment